In today's society, I wonder how many people muse:-, “Never did I dream that in retirement I would be an unpaid carer”. I do.
I've realised that Caring is not just about physical help, there are just as many psychological challenges.
Whilst personal, I'll make these posts supportive rather than excessively self- obsessed. I'll mention subjects ranging from mashed potato to broken hips, even slipping in an odd garden railway item.
My Two Ladies
I have cared for my wife, to varying degrees, for 30 years. She is 67 and has multiple sclerosis. She strives unceasingly to maintain her independence. She walks short distances with a Rollator, and she drives a hybrid Jazz converted for hand control.
I have cared for my mother for the last 3 years. She's 99 and I'm in process of organising her 100th birthday in August. She has a couple of co-morbidities and the NHS effectively wrote her off 3 years ago, sending her home virtually bedridden on high dose Tramadol. I noticed she could not keep down cheese or eggs. So my wife and I hatched a plan to take her off the Tramadol and put her on a dairy-free diet. 3 years later, she walks with a frame, loves garden gnomes, likes to thumb through “Gardeners's World" and watches “Vera”, “Midsomer Murders”, and “A Touch of Frost" on Britbox. She says Brenda Blethyn and David Jason wear lovely hats. She forgets where the bathroom is, yet her WWII experiences remain extremely vivid. And if she disapproves of something I'm doing she'll give me the “Evil Eye”.
The House
Our bungalow is replete with all manner of mobility aids:- grab rails, bed levers, walking frames, commodes, rollators, and a wheelchair. These are a great help.
However the best thing I did was to get a 2nd toilet installed in what used to be a separate shower room, which we've converted into a wet room.
The next best thing was to erect a series of sturdy metal handrails leading from the kitchen door to the greenhouse.
The Perching Stool!
My wife likes to be able to prepare food in the kitchen. She used a perching stool to help her reach worktops and cupboards. Then one day, she fell off the stool, and now, as well as her MS she suffers from the after-effects of breaking her hip. They tell me that repaired broken hips seldom go 100% right. Perching stools are now banned in our house. Instead, we bought a second hand Invacare “TDX SP” electric chair with power lift. It weighs a ton, turns on a sixpence, and provides my wife with more mobility and reach than the perching stool ever did.
Enough for now. If you've got this far thank you very much for reading.
In posts to come:- relationships, rivalry, Lasting Powers of Attorney, gnome evictions, moon lamps, tomatoes and ironing (to mention a few)…
Paul- Your story about the treatment on your mother and the medicine she's being sent home really makes me sad about the reality of American healthcare (or lack thereof, rather). But your commitment to caring for her. Your astute life shift on what should be done---and the fact that she's pushing 100, is really a testament to your character. I hope you'll send her my best wishes this holiday season? Cheers, -Thalia
Welcome to Substack! And what a wonderful first post - nice work. Real human stories like this are what makes the world go round.
I wonder have you ever dabbled in home automation? I'm planning on writing a little about my own (incredibly meagre) setup which does nothing but control a single bedroom lamp for me, but if and when I'm able to own my own house I plan on rigging it out with all kinds of wizardry. I've long thought home automation would be the perfect companion for carers and those with mobility or memory issues - would definitely be interested in hearing your experience / thoughts if you've ever tried it!
Sending love to your wife and mother ❤️